Flat Jack

So I get this letter on Friday that had serial killer like handwriting on it. I was a little excited thinking that maybe I had a stalker. No such luck. It was even better. It was from my nephew, Jack, in Ohio. He's in the first grade and the class is doing the Flat Stanley project. I've babysat a Flat Stanley before at work for a co-worker. We had some fun. Took some pictures. I showed him a glimpse into the exciting world of HR. Never had one of my own to hang with. So I received 'Flat Jack' on Friday and I must say he had quite the big weekend.

Flat Jack got to get in some sweet and technical singletrack on his visit. He barely lived through the wind and his head almost blew off, but he survived. Stacey and I were prepared to have our workout be 'chase Flat Jack around Ramapo Mountain' if need be. We were ready to pounce at any second and save him from flying away.

There was almost a decapitation or at least an ear piercing by an angry and territorial parrot.

He lived through the weekend. His neck needed a little reinforcement from spending two days in a Camel Back. Fortunately, a little tape fixed that issue. However, he will be sent back with some boo boos, dirt and a coffee stain or two. I added some blood and some band-aids. Nothing less should be expected in my care.



He's been on a few Starbucks runs, seen the Appalachian Trail, shoveled snow and for now he's still in one piece. However, I do still have him for one more day. Anything can happen.

Court Ordered

I always see the usual suspects when I get out on the bike in the morning: the dog walkers, the runners, the teenagers sneaking back into their houses, etc. We all acknowledge one another with a head nod or a polite, "Hello". Typical stuff. This morning I ran into a guy on a bike as he was pulling out of his driveway (please note that there were like three cars in his driveway). He was wearing work boots, pajama bottoms and a 'seen-better-days' Giants jacket. I pedaled past him and he started talking to me so I slowed down. The smell of booze and stale cigarettes was overpowering. He'd seen better days, or not, maybe he's always looked that horrifying. I don't know. He was huffing and puffing and we were going like 2 mph. His smell was toxic. Then I spied spittle and a pasty white substance on his lips. Oh God.  I wanted to ride away but the mid-westerner in me didn't want to be rude (shocking, I know) and I also was a little curious. It went down like this:

Drunk: "Hey."

Me:  "Hey."

Drunk:  "Are you you doing this for fun or are you going to work?"

Me: "Ummm..Fun. You?" (I totally knew the answer.)

Drunk: "Fuck me. I'm just trying to get to my community service. How long do you think it will take me to get to Franklin?"

Me:  "Not sure. I don't really know how far Franklin is."

Drunk: "On 23."

Me: "Okay. Still no idea. I'm sorry."

Drunk: "Well, fuck you then, you fuckin' bitch."

Me: "Have a nice day. Enjoy your ride." And I  rode away from that mess.

I could still hear him muttering obscenities as I rode away. On the way back home I saw him zig-zagging in the wind and trying to pedal down Clinton. He wasn't too far past where I'd left him. He looked at me and gave me the finger. How neighborly.

ladies

Saturday night I was starting to dread my Sunday ride. Not because I needed to be on the bike or workout, I wanted to ride. I just was craving some company. I also have been in the woods a lot as of late. Since there's no snow, I haven't really put in much road time. So I got an email that the infamous 'Rocket Ride' was on for Sunday. Awesome. I always have a good time on Bossa's 'Rocket Ride'. 

I took my bike off the trainer and was praying that it would behave. Last time I touched it, I was WD-40ing the chain because it was so rusted and kinked and I wanted to put it on the trainer. It hasn't seen the road since the summer. 

I met the 'ladies' near the GWB in Ft. Lee. I use the term 'ladies'  loosely. There's nothing ladylike going on here. Bunch of trash talking, foul-mouthed chicks on bikes. Love it.

At one point one of Stacey's snot rockets blew straight back at me and went in my mouth. I gasped in horror, almost barfed, but soldiered through. Of course, she laughed her ass off. I guess that's karma for posting a picture of my green snot.We all worked way harder than we planned and everybody made it back to the parking lot without imploding. Good day.

It's always a bonus to end a ride with a Mallowmar party and then go out for a sangwich with friends.

AND It's Green, Too

Ahhh. The first weekend back from warm AZ is always a cruel reminder. Saturday, there was snow. Not enough to keep me out of Waway. It started off okay because it was cold enough to stay frozen. Then it got slick and icy. It was like riding through a leaf slushie. I've ridden Waway when the conditions are challenging. These were probably the most challenging conditions I've seen. It was hard to stay on the bike. Some trail were okay that the sun didn't hit but let's just say that Pickle and Rattlesnake won on Saturday.



If there was any doubt that I had some sort of head cold/sinus issue please see below. THAT came out of me. Don't ask how it ended up on my glove. I was on a downhill and didn't turn enough to blow a proper snot rocket. How disgusting is that? It just kept coming out. Ewwwww. 



                                



As I was putting riding clothes in the washer on Saturday night, Mike, had the audacity to tell me he didn't want his clothes washed with my snot crusted clothes. He thought it was gross. Really? Sometimes I walk into the basement to grab his smelly jackets and gloves and feel the need for a respirator. FYI- The woodburner does not take away smell. It only makes you smell like burning, sweaty swampiness. 

Saturday was a chilly, big gear, Stewart day. After a warm-up I started to groove on the big gear again. It felt good. Fast forward a couple of hours and my hours in AZ started to nag at my legs. I actually shut it down rather than make myself suffer through and went and sat in the toasty truck while the boys finished up. Best decision I've made in a while.

Both Saturday and Sunday somebody asked why I wasn't registered for a few local races: SSAP, Bearscat 50 and the DH 40. SSAP is the day after Cohutta. We'll be on our way home from TN. The Bearscat is the same weekend as Mohican. The 40 is a week after the Wilderness 101. I have to be realistic. There's no way I would recover for that. Right now I'm still trying to remain positive that I can do the hundreds. Even a hundred. While I was sitting in the doctor's office this morning waiting to get bloodwork done, I have to admit, doubt started to creep in. I even started to tear up a little. Always a reality check that makes me doubt my body. I start looking around the room at really sick people. I've looked like that. I've felt like that. I just have to keep on track and really believe I can do this. Some days are harder than others. For all of you who have supported me and who keep cheering me on, I thank you. I couldn't do this without you.

Tucson Takeaways

1. I've always known it. Duct tape really can solve most of life's issues. Including: holding toenails on, acting as a zip tie, repairing rips in hydration packs and holding your ass and front in torn and bloody shorts while you ride 20 miles home.

2. Losing the rear brake on La Milagrosa is no fun. For those of you who have ridden 'Millie', you know what I'm talking about. If there's any brake issues at all make sure you take care of them before you head up Redington. Just sayin.

3. I am capable of putting in my own brake pads, adjusting brakes and even taking a little brake juice out. Sigh.

4. Just because it's sunny and warm does not mean you have to ride every day for hours. It's always sunny and warm to us Northeasterners. If you do, a week or so in there will be thoughts of committing random acts of violence against your bike.

5. You never know who is reading your blog. I met a guy from CA who said I looked familiar. After chatting about possible places we could have met he asked me if I had a blog. He said that he and his girlfriend both read it. Of course, he went on to ask me if I've peed on my gloves lately. (The answer is 'no' by the way)

6. I hate the trainer even more.

7. If you hack and cough and blow your nose enough no one will sit next to you on the plane.

8. I'm getting good. It's no longer an afternoon event and the F-bombs are minimal.

9. I missed this:





10. Tan lines. Wow. I need to work on these before my sister's wedding or I'm going to be a sight. I thought 70 SPF would help but I was wrong. Can you say 'spray tan'? I know I'm gonna end up looking like an oompa loompa.



10. I'm a singlespeeder. For better or for worse. A SS is what I learned on and that's what I enjoy. Not sure why I always think I should be on gears. Sure gears would benefit me at certain places, but they don't really work for me and I don't enjoy gears nearly as much as I do the SS. Of course, I may have a different opinion after a few hundies.

AZ

Well, back to reality for me this week. Actually, it's kind of a relief. I'm cooked. I went a little crazy in Tucson. Now I just have to focus on recovering and getting rid of this damn cold. Never made it to the start of SSAZ. I had early indicators a few days prior when I couldn't get my heartrate up. A good sign of being cooked. I got up on Saturday after hacking and sweating all night and went through the motions like I was going to do it. I got my nutrition and fluids together and went to the garage to tape a tube and some CO2s to my seat post and I knew it wasn't happening. I was dizzy and felt like shit. I'm actually not that upset about it. I did what I had planned on doing in AZ and got in some good miles. Since SSAZ was on my last day there I knew it was a possibility that it wouldn't happen. So on Saturday I did this....

And lots of this....

It actually was nice to do absolutely nothing. Some other fond memories are the super-secret dirt jumps that I found in a neighborhood. They're not really meant for big wheels or for my skills. It still was fun as hell to give them a whirl.



Believe it or not, after a week or so of desert singletrack I started to miss log jumps, slimy rocks, wacky bridges and roots. Crazy, right?

All in all it was a great trip. Can't complain. Yes, I got sick. I do everything I can not get sick. I'm a freakshow in the airport and on the plane. Lotions, potions, wipes, you name it. Short of traveling in a bubble I'm not sure what I can do. I always get sick after being on a plane. A compromised immune system is no fun, what can I say?  Good food, great company and great weather. Not much more I could ask for.

Only If There's Bacon

Now I know what this whole 'overreached' thing feels like. Heard about it. Just never experienced it. Today, I am supposed to be stoked about SSAZ tomorrow. In between weeping during old episodes of House and coughing fits I'm having thoughts about running over my bike with the car and leaving it outside overnight in hopes someone takes off with it. I also keep thinking about bacon. Mmmmm. Bacon. I'm attempting to get together my nutrition for tomorrow's venture. If I can mentally get myself up the street to the start it will be a miracle at this point. I'm fried. The ridunkulous amount of hours/miles has finally broken me. Crazy person. That's all I can say. Add a head cold and inability to breathe and it makes for an even crazier and snottier lunatic.

I looked in my goodie bag and it made me sad. Not sure I can choke down one more thing on the bike. I need something new. Pay Day was my go to out here and now the thought of it is making me want to cry. 

Snickers don't really work in AZ

Maybe I should pack bacon. That may be the only thing that can motivate me to ride at this point.

Happy Feet

So a reflexologist was at the house and said she could help me with my cough and congestion. I've been to a reflexologist years before for a separate issue as a 'Hail Mary' of sorts. I didn't really find that it helped me back then but I decided that it couldn't hurt. Nothing to lose. Today my cough and congestion is still there.  It's not any better.  However, my feet feel fantastic. That in itself was worth it. It was like an hour long foot massage. I feel like going back today for another session. I have a lot of pain in my eyes, ears and nose. My pituitary and small intestine could use a little work, too.