Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Santa Hit and Run

So it seems fitting that this would have happened to me. We just moved. I don't want to be the neighborhood freaks already. That day will come. I just was hoping it could wait until spring. The keeping a low profile thing ended last week when I was on my way into the office and I went around a blind corner and there it was--a blow up Santa. I ran it over. It was Santa or the Subaru Outback in the left lane. I chose Santa. I dragged the monstrosity about 25 yards or so before I could pull over. It was in my grill like a plastic bag! The guy behind me pulled over. He shook his head and said: "There's something you don't see every day". Do I leave a note? Call the cops? What's the protocol here? People were driving by staring at the spectacle. I was kind of in shock then I began laughing HYSTERICALLY. I dragged it back to the site of impact and put it in the closest yard. That was a special moment in a suit and heels. It looked like someone was trying to throw it away because it had been detached from the motor. Santa had other plans...

If you know me you know that I have a deep seeded hatred of all things yard art. Especially, the holiday blow-ups. I called my assistant on the way in and told her about the unfortunate event. She was laughing so hard she had to hang up the phone. She kept saying that only I could get attacked by yard art!! My hatred has finally come back to bite me. Now lawn ornaments are attacking me!! It's true.

I walk into the office and it is quiet. Too quiet. I look around and these lovely posters had been made and posted everywhere (sorry for the quality):

I will say I have a new respect for yard art.


  1. You should always respect the yard art. I've been warning people for years.

  2. Santa's elves say only coal for you next year.

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  4. Jocelyn, maybe you should change your last name to "Griswold"...first name Clark! Bad Santa!!!!