I've gotten a few email requests and calls about speaking at an auto-immune disease support group function. When I first started getting these requests I considered it. Then I thought about it a little more and decided I'm probably not the right person for the job. Although, I attempt to play an appropriate professional during the day (some days at least) and frequently speak in public, I have some filtering issues when it comes to my personal experiences. I'm most certain to offend someone. F bombs roll out, uncomfortable subjects like weird bodily happenings are discussed and let's not forget about my somewhat odd sense of humor. I explained this to the person asking me and she said that's exactly why they wanted me. Hmmm. Still not sure.

I would be able to share the following for those new to medications and treatments:

stomach upset = explosive diarrhea

change in taste = everything but three foods taste like metal and B.O.

increase in yeast infections = Get ready for Hell to be unleashed 

This is only a snippet. I have a really long list I've made over the years.

I thought about it more and then explained that I probably am not the best speaker because I sometimes frequently go against medical advice. If I had listened to medical advice I would never have attempted to race a bike, let alone finish a hundred. I would just be riding a couple of circles around a paved park road taking in the scenery and calling it a day after 30 minutes. Power walking would be my most intense workout. I don't want to be the person who tells someone to ignore their doctor...yet, I kinda do. I think if there's going to be damage done anyway whether you're walking or laying on the couch you may as well get out there and do something you enjoy. I just happen to find doctors who support my insanity. I've been through MANY. The current ones know I'm going to do it anyway so we've worked out the 'what ifs' and have discussed what I can do do get through certain self inflicted things as best I can. Could it have been the bike that made me sick? Yes. Then there are other weeks when I didn't do anything and for no reason I felt shitty.  It could have happened anyway. Push when you can push and back off when you have to.

A couple of weeks ago, I called my rheumatologist to ask about right arm. I asked if I could do any permanent damage. He said, "Possibly". I asked could it happen anyway if I didn't ride the bike. Long pause (I knew the answer and he knew what I was getting at). "Yes, it could possibly get worse anyway. But riding could possibly exacerbate it." I came back with, "Carrying my work bag for too long could exacerbate it as well, right? Doing yard work could exacerbate it?" Pause. I win. He called in a script, gave me some other tricks to alleviate the pain and  I took what I wanted from the conversation and got back on the bike when I could.

I've been to a function and listened to a speaker. I did not like her. She had an auto immune disease and was now running marathons. At the time, I was doing well to walk Ike around the park and back home without a nap and stopping every 50 feet to rest.  I was really sick then and I wanted to punch her in the face. I wasn't the only one. She was way too peppy. Like puppies and unicorns happy and saccharine sweet. I remember thinking who and the hell was this person? She obviously was never that sick. What does she know? I don't want anyone to look at me like that. Although, I'm pretty sure I'm not capable of giving a puppies and unicorns vibe. I know it can be really frustrating.  But then I think about it and maybe she did help me. Maybe something resonated with me. Maybe. Just a little. I did start walking more and then running. It eventually led to 4 stress fractures in my left leg, but I did start somewhere. Slowly but surely. Hmmm.

Maybe I have answered my question while writing this. I have a doctor's appointment in a little while and the office manager has a lot to do with the group so I know I will get asked again. We'll see.