Sunday, June 28, 2009

Maniacal Minivans

I had this preconceived notion of which type of car and drivers are going to give me trouble on a road ride. The sweet panel van man (mostly I'm scared he's a serial killer), the redneck truck with the gun rack, the little old lady who needs a booster seat to see over the steering wheel, the teenagers screaming lewd comments (always fantastic) or the kid with the street racer Fast and the Furious wannabe car... Through my own self-experiment of tracking which vehicle is around me when my heart rate rises out of pure anxiety and fear, when I'm white-knuckling the handlebars and have my fingers on the brakes, and when I'm looking for an escape (Do I jump the curb? Do I ride through that man's immaculate garden?) I've found it is the one vehicle that causes me much distress....


Oh, yes. One would think never a minivan. They are most likely carrying children. The driver is most likely a mother. Let me tell you...there are some crazy ass out of control soccer moms out there who want our blood. Apparently, even passing me on a extremely wide street with plenty of room is extremely stressful for the majority of soccer moms. The throwing of the hand and the "gassing it" in frustration as they get past me always gives them away. My favorite is when you are actually going the same speed as the minivan and you get to play this game a few times because of various stop lights. I also always am appreciative of the drivers who insist on texting while driving in front of me and then at the last second pulling over right in front of me so I either have to go head on into the vehicle or take my chances that some other jackass won't run me over as I try to move into the lane. Oh, I so could go on. WAIT. One more--beeping when they come up behind you to let you know they are there. What the hell is that about? It mostly startles me and makes me almost run off the road. I am riding on the road people so I do expect there to be cars...

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